My Friend doesn’t want her partners daughter to be a bridesmaid, what can she do/say?

The child in question is 4 and her behaviour and attitude is unbelievable. She’s not very nice to my friends children already and her grandma is insisting that she be a bridesmaid. It’s understandable given that she locked my friends two year old daughter out of the house, she has broken my friends toe and that’s just to name a few.
Her Grandma who has full custody of her allows her to misbehave and has no boundaries. My friend has offered the role of a flower girl but her grandmother is being quite stubborn and says “no she should be a bridesmaid”
Any advice as I’m not sure what else to suggest

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Ahh, thank you for the good laugh.A four year old toddler CANNOT be a bridesmaid.

Whatever the toddler'stitle or role, if the bride choses to have her as a bridal attendant, being an unruly child is the real issue here.

I would not have a little spoiled brat in my wedding party, regardless of her title.

However, it seems that the problem at hand in your question is not about if the child should be allowed to participate in the bridal party's activities the day of the wedding but rather what title the little brat is awarded.Tell your friend to call the kid a flower girl, but let the pushy Grandma call her a bridesmaid.Because, at the end of the day, that little kid will not fool anyone into thinking she is a brides maid because she is, in fact a flower girl all day long.

Answers

She should talk to her fiance about this.I don't think I would want the child or her grandma as wedding guests, never mind having the child as an attendant.

Tell your "friend" to stop getting you to post fake questions on yahoo.

This is your wedding. Not grannies. The brat is to young to be a bridesmaid. Put your foot down, now.

I really hope this question is fake. It's so ridiculous it must be.

She's too young to be a bridesmaid.

Anyway, myself I would not marry someone who didn't want to include my kids.Your kids are the biggest part of you when you have them already and a partner who fully accepts you, accepts them too.

This little one seems to have some issues and it's likely a lack of parenting, that's not all on grandma.Grandma has custody for a reason so where are her actual parents in this?I also would not marry someone who had kids they were not actively parenting, that speaks volumes of that "parents" priorities in life.

Ultimately though this doesn't concern you.

She says NO.Even if the child were well behaved, being a brides maid is an adult responsibility.She says NO, and advises Grandma that there's no further discussion or debate.Have the father back up her.

What difference is there between her being a flower girl and a bridesmaid? Seems like you're getting into an argument over something quite insignificant.

This is one of those age old problems with no really perfect solution.Someone's liable to end up not pleased with the outcome.I can't see the difference between flower girl and bridesmaid anyway.Bad behaviour is bad behaviour whatever the role, and the best that can really be done is to let her be a bridesmaid but to call for informal 'rehearsals' ahead of the day.Those rehearsals can be used to reinforce messages to the child on how she's expected to behave.Practice will make as perfect as possible and time could also be taken to express how important the occasion is and how everyone is expected to behave.Bribe too.A nice gift for the child to be given after the ceremony for absolutely best behaviour, but the threat of it not being given if she doesn't perform well.
But obviously at 4, any child can have a tantrum and not behave perfectly or even well.
But your friend is joining a family and to start out by causing upset is not an option either.
It looks as if your friend's going to have to grit her teeth, prepare well and hope for the best!

A 4 year old bridesmaid?That's just...stupid.