I have been married for 2yrs. My husband has just dropped the bomb on me with "I dont ever want to have any kids".How can I change his mind?
I would think that someone who make such a decision, as to remain childless,would have first discussed that issue with his girlfriend before marrying her. If he said he wanted kids, and you wanted them to, then your verbal contract to marry would mean he accepted the condition of being a parent, with you.
Now that you say he dropped a bomb, I can only assume that he about faced and changed his mind and decided without a discussion with you that he just does not want any kids.
Well, I bet he means it.This is not a simple question as to whether he wants cheese on his hamburger, which pays no mind to you at all.This is a serious change in his life's plan and your life as a married couple, one of which, you, are being asked to accept being childless.Especially if you voiced that you want to be a mother.
How can you"change his mind"?I am not quite sure because it is uncertain as to how in depth you two did or did not plan a family.If he EVER said he was unsure if he wanted kids, and you just hoped he would, then he decided he didn't, then that is not a bomb dropped, it's a firecracker that you should have at least anticipated.
This is a huge issue for you both and a very personal one, at that.You wanting children and him finally deciding not to have kids.You either have to accept his choice or go find a man who wants a family.Sorry that sounds so simple of an answer, but that IS your choice.
I know a 30 year old woman who married a 43 year old guy who had already been married for a short while and raised his own son by himself. His career took him away from home often with travel and the money afforded him everything he wanted, and then some. He told her that if she wanted a child, she would take the brunt of raising the child because he had done that alone, himself for over 18 years, and was not interested in doing it all over again.He made it CLEAR to her that she would be rearing their child. This was no secret to her or either of their families. So, she had a baby.
A few years later, she wanted a sibling for her daughter and wanted another baby.He, again, reminded her that she would be taking on much of the child rearing and he was just going to be on stand by.Of course he loved his children and spoiled them, but he did not help with the temper tantrums, day care driving, food prep, and other basic parenting.He was more like the guy who spoiled them and handed them back to her when they needed a diaper change or other attention.
Now, she is stuck with being what she calls "single parenthood".Well, she knew all along what the "rules" were but, SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD CHANGE HIM.Found out, he was a man of his word.
Tell your husband to get a vasectomy and if you really want kids, get divorced and find another baby daddy.
he is a very selfish man to tell you after the fact - if you try to change his mind - you will be raising a baby all by yourself
Have a talk with him and get a feel if he is determined and serious about wanting no kids.Ask him all the questions to get the answers you need. One question might could be WHY telling you now ? (and not 2 years ago ? )
If he is determined to never want kids - then HE is the only one who can change his mind (besides God can change his mind for him) …. but you cannot change his mind.
Why now tell you this ? … it sounds like it could possibly be another reason why.
Frankly you only have so much time. You arrange him a meeting with your divorce lawyer and if that doesn't change his mind you move on.This is not question you debate with a spouse.It should have been sorted out with certainty long before you even got engaged.He's assuming you will stick around if he is stubborn about it.
You can't, so get a divorce and find someone who does want children
You can't change his mind.And why didn't you two discuss this long before you got married?This is one of the important things we discuss with someone we are going to marry, long before we say "i do".
Well you can drop your own bomb by telling him, it may not be you but I am going to have me some babies. You think I can't find me some guys who would be willing to flood my vagina with their sperm. I could probably have them standing in line at the door. Sometimes you just have to play hard ball.
2 yrs not alot invested,leave him and find a man who will give u a child,did u not discuss this beforehand? that is a bomb.u will always recent him if u live without children,..move on while the time is right.This is obviously not a situation where being flexible and giving in to the other person is easy, since this is something that requires both of your involvement, time, energy and will ultimately affect both of your lives forever.I think the only thing you can do is to speak with your husband, openly, about how you feel. The ability to create a new life, to bring a new soul into this world, an everlasting part of your marriage and your love, is something irreplaceable. Maybe he needs to see what a baby means to you through your eyes.there is no way to convince him of the love he will feel towards his own child. But what is real to him now is the love he feels towards you. Speak with him, openly and honestly, and show him how his love can and will expand even more if you can have a child together. Give him time and space and respect his feelings, and hopefully the two of you will be able to soon share the same vision for your future together.
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