Do you think an alcoholic will stop drinking for the sake of his family?

I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for 8+ years. I was an alcoholic when we got together but sobered up 5 years ago. We have 2 kids together, live together, and are for the most part.. happy. Unfortunately he drinks whiskey from the moment he opens his eyes until he goes to bed at night. He doesn't get falling down "drunk" slurring, or anything just a constant buzz thorough out the day.. on occasions or from time to time he does get "drunk"....I've pleaded to him every way possible to stop drinking. He always has his empty promises saying he's going to, and that he's "slowed down a lot"...I haven't seen a change at all. He'll go through a huge bottle of whiskey in about 2 days...that I'm aware of..our kids know he drinks it and i hate the influence he is setting them. They are both still young but soon enough they will be old enough to know what he's doing. I love this man dearly and want him sober..I want this family to work's coming down to the end where I know I will have to leave him.. because I don't want my kids around him like this. I don't want to but I feel he's never going to stop drinking and we'll always continue our cycle of me getting mad at him for drinking and him saying his going to quit but than makes a drink first thing the next morning...

Do you think an alcoholic will stop drinking for the sake of his family?...
Do I need to leave him for him to understand I'm do I get him to stop!!?


Best Answer

I would give him a written ultimatum stating if he continues to drink and does not seek help the very next day, you will take the kids and leave so that they (and you) can be in a safe, healthy environment. You both sign and date it; you keep a copy and give him one to keep. Then stick to it. It then is on him to keep up his end of it if he wants to keep you all around. I suspect he will test you, so be prepared to leave. Don't make false threats; follow though immediately if he fails. I'm sorry it has turned out this way, but I'm glad you quit drinking yourself. As others have stated, he is the only one who can change, and hopefully, this would be what it takes. I doubt it will work, but who knows? You DO know that doing nothing hasn't worked. All I know of is to leave, or possibly have an intervention first. Your kids have to be the priority here, so do what's best for them! I wish you luck.


No, I don't. Because alcoholism is a type of addiction, and alcoholics are addicts. The only way the cycle of addiction can be broken is for the cycle of DENIAL (which is what your husband is living in) to be broken first. Mental health professionals who treat addiction and substance abuse disorders sometimes refer to this as "bottoming out" or "hitting rock bottom". It means the addict finally reaches a point at which he or she is forced, however unwillingly, to face the reality of what he or she is doing, and how it affects his or her family and loved ones. In other words, they get put in a situation that they can't run away from or hide from, no matter how much they want to. It's at that point that most, but not all, addicts will finally realize that there is only one way to end their pain, and that's to change and ask for help the way you did. Your husband has never reached that point, and he never will, unless something really drastic happens which forces him to face reality. Your husband has to WANT to change and WANT to get better before any treatment will be effective. But he hasn't reached that stage yet, and all the nagging in the world isn't going to make him get there. Life doesn't work that way. Addiction doesn't work that way either.

"You can always tell and alchoholic,but you cant tell him much!!!!!No he will not stop for the sake of his family unless he thinks that doing so will save them from leaving,and even then,he most likely will go right back to drinking even a few days later once you are off his back.
I would suggest for you Al-anon as well as counseling to find out why you have stayed with him this long.
I'm 34 years sober and could have lost everything -including my life- when drinking and it was only hitting a bottom was I able to seek help and stop.i will you all the best good luck.

If he hasn't stopped already because of the family, he's not going to do it was long as you are there. Alcoholics don't seek treatment until they reach rock bottom and realize that they can lose everything. They have to figure this outfor themselves
You need to leave if you want him to get better. You give him an ultimatum that you and the kids are not going to stay with him while he's drinking. Say that you will support him if he wants to go through rehab but he has to do it without you being there. Tell him that 6 months from now, if he's completed rehab, goes to regular meetings and managed to stay sober, then you may consider moving back in
The only way my brother in law stopped is because my sister and the kids moved out. It took him 3 months of begging her to come back and then realizing she wasn't going to change her mind until he finally went to rehab. He had to be alone and see what life was like being on his own and decide if he loved alcohol more than his family
He's now been sober for 11 years. When you talk to him, he will honestly tell people that if my sister and the kids had not left, he never would have stopped. The only reason he finally broke down and went to rehab is because after 3 months of living alone he knew that he missed his family and getting sober was the only way he'd have them back in his life

Be brave. You need to separate those kids from that kind of life. Your journey starts with prayer and conviction of a better life. He will keep on coming back for more of the same old and he wont stop. Sad fact. Ask him to remember u and his kids.

No, they won't typically stop for anyone's sake unless and until they hit rock bottom. You can't get him to stop. NO ONE can get an addict to seek help or treatment but themselves, and only if they feel there's no other option. You will probably have to leave him and cease all supportive/enabling behavior if you hope he's going to realize that only through treatment will he be able to get his life back.

He will only stop if he wants to. But as some other people have said he can't just stop.

If he has been drinking the amount you describe for over 8 years he needs medical rehab.

If he just stops without medical treatment he could have a seizure and die.

I have been through it as I was alcohol dependent and didn't realise, I stopped drinking for a few days and had a seizure and ended up in hospital and then rehab.

The doctors told me if I had the seizure when no one was around to get an ambulance I would be dead. That was a few years ago.

I don't know if he can but if he is willing to try you need to get him professional help to do so.

No. Not a chance. Not until the alcoholic wants to stop, is sick of how drinking makes them feel and takes active steps to end their addiction.

You cannot get him there, no one can. Only he can get himself there, and until he is ready to get better, you cannot enable his addiction.

You and the kids need to leave him, and be very clear and very strong that you and they will not come back until he has gotten his addiction under control, and that means AA, rehab, and NO booze for him, EVER. And, he has to show proof that all that is being done by him.

He's a sinking ship. You cna either go under with him, or stay afloat without him. Choose wisely for the kids.

For a former alcoholicyou seem very misinformed."He" doesn't have a constant buzz.Those are "excuse words."He is drunk.

No, YOU can't make him stop drinking.You didn't learn that when you sobered up?

My father was an alcoholic.His father was an alcoholic.My sister is an alcoholic.I don't drink.There is/was NO WAY anyone but THEM could stop THEM from drinking.

He will either be ready and quit or he won't.

You are exposing your children to an alcoholic lifestyle, making excuses ("buzz" is an excuse word) and taking no active steps to protect them.Shame on you - from someone who grew up with an alcoholic role model.

Yes you need to leave him in order for him to stop. Right now he has no reason to stop. He has everything he wants. Tell him unless he goes to a 7-day inpatient rehab and gets clean, you will leave him. He won't be able to quit on his own because he doesn't want to. If he refuses to go to rehab, find another place to live temporarily, like your parents'. Or change the locks on him and tell him he can't move back in until he does the 7-day rehab thing.